Uleria's Itch[1]

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Simon E. Phipp
Created On 6 June 1999
Last Updated On 6 June 1999
Copyright (c) Simon E. Phipp 1999

Once upon a time, when the Gods were happy, one god grew bored and decided to have some fun. His name was Eurmal and he was a mischievous god, always playing pranks and causing trouble. He had seen Uleria, the goddess of love, spread her veil over people's eyes and cause them to live in peace and harmony. Even though he did not like the peace and harmony he wanted to share in the love, but Uleria knew he would cause trouble and denied him.

Spurned and rejected, Eurmal decided to punish Uleria and when her back was turned he spat on his finger and touched her in a secret place between her legs. Suddenly, Uleria felt an itch that would not stop no matter what she did. First she ignored it, then she rubbed it, then she scratched it, then she rubbed against a cushion, a tree and a stone. Nothing worked until, maddened by the Itch, she called to Eurmal to stop her torment. He laughed and exposed his manhood saying "when this stands on its own it can stop your itch, but you can't have it".

Uleria grabbed a passing demigod and pulled his manhood so that it stood, something that had never been seen before, and pushed it into her secret place so hard that she bled. Again and again she pushed until his manhood was worn completely away. She tried many demigods, even a Jolanti with a TrueStone manhood, but nothing helped and eased the torment. Eventually,a kind god named Arroin took pity on her. He spat on his finger and rubbed her secret place, he licked it until,she screamed and, because nothing was working, he pushed his manhood into the secret place. After much pushing, he thought he had found the answer and brought forth a new healing lotion, a soothing cream which bathed the secret place and stopped the Itch. Even though his manhood had not been worn away, it was tired with all the work and went to sleep.

Uleria was so grateful that she offered Arroin a boon that he declined. However, only Eurmal could cure the itch and it soon stated again. Arroin produced more lotion but soon became tired,so he taught other deities the secret of producing the lotion.

Eurmal was jealous and asked Arroin to show him how to make the cream. He then showed Uleria his manhood and rubbed it to show her the cream. However, she said that he had not helped her before and she would not allow him to help her now, after all she had any number of friends to help her. Eurmal was enraged and said that it was a shameful thing that Arroin had done and the god should be embarrassed. His words were powerful and all believed them, even though it was not true. Arroin asked Uleria for the boon she had offered him and asked that producing the soothing cream be very pleasurable to men. Since Uleria did not want those helping her to suffer, she gladly agreed. Eurmal was hopping mad, especially as his manhood kept trying to stand whenever Uleria had an itch.

That's why when men try to heal a woman's itch, fools produce cream by themselves.


[1] This is one of the stories from a cycle of Uleria and Eurmal tales told by the people of Saird. They are mainly peasant tales and consist of Eurmal trying to have sex with Uleria but failing.