Quack! Glub, Glub, Glub

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Created On 1 October 1997
Last Updated On 1 October 1997
Copyright (c) Simon E. Phipp 1997

A Report on the favoured Methods of Killing Outlaw Ducks, To Gregorius, Ram and Iron Lord, Head of the Imperial Guard.


In answer to your query, here are the Favoured Methods of Culling Ducks.

Favoured Methods

The Stealth Approach

Walk along the bottom of the Pond until you are directly beneath a swimming Duck.
Take firm hold of the Duckís legs and pull it beneath the water.
Hold the Duck closely to your chest until it stops struggling.
Quack! Glub, Glub, Glub.
If the Duck tries to attack you, grab it by the neck and throttle it or rip its arms and legs off.
A Duck will always lose in a trial of strength against one of our soldiers.
It is a good idea to practice on one of our Duck Soldiers as they can be drowned again and again with no ill effects.

The Ambush

Lie down along the side of a Duck Track and wait.
Eventually a Duck will pass by.
When it does, reach out and attack it, either by grabbing it or by striking it.
The element of surprise will be there.
This may take weeks, so use those expendable troops, those missing legs are good.

The Hunt

Set a couple of "Beaters" near a Duck Encampment.
These will be large but slow soldiers, heavily armoured but easy to flee from.
If you have Ghouls, use them for extra effect.
Have them lumber into the encampment. The Ducks will flee into the Swamp.
Have a large force of soldiers waiting beneath the water on the other side of the encampment.
When the Ducks flee into the water, the soldiers leap up and ambush the Ducks.
Often the Ducks will have left their weapons behind in the encampment.

Target Practice

A group of Ducks offers excellent target practice for one of the Brethren.
The Brother waits in a stand of grass of of trees with a Arbalest and twenty bolts prepared.
For fast kills, use a Composite Bow but ensure that magic is used to increase the number of shots available.
If you need to, ensure that the arrows or bolts are coated with poison as Ducks are weak and will easily succumb to that mode of attack.
Pick off the leaders first, then the followers
If the Outlaws are in a patrol, they will be in single file. Take the rearmost outlaw first and the leader will be unawares.
This has the advantage that even if the Ducks see the Brethren they will not attack, being in fear of their lives.

Upsetting Boats

Have a large number of soldiers lay in wait beneath a waterway.
When a Duck Boat comes by, have the soldiers reach up and overturn the boat.
Even though the Ducks are good swimmers, they should be disorganised for a while and should be easily despatched.
Ensure that some soldiers are made to grab the Ducks while others attack the ducks.
This should reduce their attempts to flee or fight back.

Using Horrors

One of the best methods to Cull Ducks is to use one of Our Lordís Horrors.
These are the special creations, designed to strike fear into the craven Ducks.
They include Zombie Giants, The Killer Whale, Waltapus Zombies and Zombie Dragons.
Use a Horror by having it charge into an encampment or patrol of Outlaw Ducks and start to kill those nearby.
It does not matter how many it kills as the others will run into the swamp and tell of the Horror they met.
This often causes Outlaws to give up their evil ways.

Using Converts

Sometimes it is necessary to use the Converted as a weapon.
Attack an Outlaw encampment with those Outlaws who have joined Our Lordís Army.
This will have the effect of demoralising the Outlaws.
If the Converted succeed in killing any Outlaws, make them conspicuously pick up the body and march back into the Marsh.
This should reinforce the futility of opposing Our Lord.

Drastic Measures

If an Outlaw Group proves particularly difficult to destroy, Drastic Measures may be required.

Poison Bag

This requires one of the soldiers to be especially altered.
Bags are inserted within his chest and abdomen and then sewn in place.
These bags are filled with a special poison, available only from the Palace.
The soldier sneaks into the Outlaw encampment and submerges in the water supply (most encampments are based around a supply of good, clean water and do not draw from the Marsh itself).
The poison will last for a single day and will ensure that the Ducks are made ill.
This is a Drastic Measure because it may injure the wildlife and should only be used as a last resort.

The Brethren

An Outlaw Group which has resisted all attempts to be culled may require the intervention of The Brethren.
At the Dead of Night, a group of between 7 and 20 Brethren will move towards the encampment.
They will only be wearing their Burial Equipment and will carry no other weapons or armour.
If the encampment is very heavily guarded, The Brethren may tun into bats or mist to evade the guards.
When The Brethren have entered the encampment, they will fall upon the sleeping Outlaws and will kill them quickly.
No attempt will be made to feed, so only those disciplined Brethren should be used.
A back-up force consisting of Captains will be held close by in case the Brethren need assistance.
This force will be used to bring the Brethren across water if necessary, although The Brethren may cross the Swamp and Marshes with impunity, as you know well enough yourself.
This is a Drastic Measure as The Brethren should never be endangered needlessly.

Using An Army

It is sometimes necessary to use an army to Cull Outlaws.
The army will move into place using boats or marching columns.
Each Twenty will be lead by a Captain.
Each Five Captains will be led by a Constable.
Special Forces groups will be made up of Captains and Brethren or Horrors.
The Army will surround the encampment.
Special Forces groups will take out the boats and ensure that escape is difficult.
Some Captains will lead their Twenties underwater to prevent Outlaws from swimming away.
Some Captains will hold their Twenties in reserve in case the Outlaws break through the Army.
The other Captains will lead their Twenties in an attack on the encampment when the Ghouls are unleashed.
The Brethren who are unassigned will ensure that the Outlaw Leaders are stopped using Arbalest and poison.
In the event of heavy losses, the Brethren and Captains will retreat, leaving the Soldiers to cover them.
This is a Drastic Measure as organising an Amy takes a great deal of planning and ties up a large number of Brethren and Captains.

In conclusion, these are the Authorised Methods of Culling Outlaws. They have worked quite successfully in the past and we see no reason to change them. We thank you for your enquiry and for your innovative ideas but do not feel that Imperial Tactics will work in the Upland Marsh.